Where RSD Hits Hardest for People with ADHD

Almost every person with ADHD knows how it feels to have intense emotional reactions that are triggered by everyday events. An unanswered text message to a friend can feel like stinging rejection, and a loved one who suddenly seems standoffish can cause you to spiral.

These reactions are exhausting and embarrassing, but they are an aspect of ADHD known as Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Learning to cope with RSD begins with anticipating where in your life you experience the most triggers and trying to get out in front of the reaction.

Expecting the Worst

Those with ADHD tend to be hyperaware of other people’s moods. Among neurotypical people, this is often a survival tactic that they learn from having been through trauma. They learn to read between the lines of what people say and how they act, so that they can anticipate things like rejection, confrontation, or conflict. Based on their intuition, they will either prepare to face the challenging event head-on or retreat from it, depending on their instinct.

RSD affects those with ADHD in a similar way, in that it causes them to be constantly on the lookout for possible rejection. You scan the expressions of people you interact with to determine what they’re feeling. You anxiously check your inbox for replies to messages and emails. You pay attention to body language and voice intonation, trying to detect and read others’ emotions and reactions.

However, unlike a neurotypical person’s intuition, RSD wreaks havoc with your brain and emotions. It prevents you from being able to detect anything except for disapproval, disappointment, disgust, or displeasure. Every interaction feels as if the worst will happen, and the worst for someone with RSD is that they will ultimately be rejected or abandoned.

Minefield

Navigating life when you have Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria is like making your way through a minefield. Even the simplest of interactions has the potential to set off an emotional response in you that is intense and exhausting. Where others can easily brush off an insult or a bit of criticism, you take everything to heart. It all hurts more than you could express. Even the neutral interactions feel like charged bombs, waiting to impact your life.

For this reason, many those with ADHD withdraw from social interactions when they are feeling particularly fragile. It makes some kind of sense to insulate and isolate yourself when everything and everyone triggers you in some way. You might be able to restore some balance to your emotions by withdrawing for a while, but this is not a long-term solution. You will live a healthier life if you are not retreating from everything that hurts you.

In some ways, the fact that RSD is triggered by everyday events in the ordinary areas of your life is a good thing because it means you have to face things head-on and engage with the world. It helps to know where to anticipate the triggers, and these will be unique to each person.

At least, you will learn to understand that certain responses you have stem from RSD. You can stop blaming yourself for being emotional in these cases. When you stop feeling ashamed or guilty for having such intense emotions, you can begin to learn how to cope with RSD triggers.

The Five Areas in Life Where RSD Hits Hardest

In the Workplace

It is in the workplace where those with ADHD experience the most emotional triggers because of RSD. In a fast-paced workplace, emotions are already high because of deadlines, responsibilities, and big personalities. However, even in quieter work environments, you cannot avoid feedback, constructive criticism, evaluation, and open dialogue.

RSD makes it feel impossible to compartmentalize your emotions from your profession. Even neutral or minor things feel intense and personal. You are not overreacting when your boss calls you into the office for a chat, and you are expecting the worst. This is normal for someone with RSD.

If you are in a profession where you can have honest discussions about mental health, you must learn how RSD is affecting you so that you can let employers and trusted colleagues know what to expect. If not, you will need to find a way of coping with your emotional responses even when they feel overwhelming.

With Friends

No one likes being left out or ignored, but some people can cope better with perceived rejection. Unfortunately for those with ADHD and RSD, rejection feels inevitable, and you feel it in many different instances. You’re prone to volatile emotions and mood swings. Friends might accuse you of taking things too personally, or reading into things a little too intensely, but you can’t help it. It still hurts deeply if they mention it, though.

Many those with ADHD and RSD go through cycles. First, they withdraw from their friend groups because they feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, or ignored. This leads them to feel lonely and vulnerable because they have cut off communication with their support network.

Their friends interpret their sudden distance from group chats and events as them needing space and time away from their friends. Therefore, they lovingly grant them the distance they seem to be craving. However, through the filter of RSD, this confirms their feelings of being rejected and they plunge deeper into misery and loneliness.

In Relationships

Just as in all the other areas of life, RSD has you constantly scanning your partner for disapproval, disappointment, or dissatisfaction. As soon as their tone changes, their mood shifts, or a slight distance grows between you, it feels like confirmation of the inevitable.

On the other hand, your partner might feel a deep sense of frustration as they try to compliment you and convince you of your self-worth, only to have you disagree with them because you can’t accept praise, encouragement, or even affection.

Online

Few people are immune to having heated online interactions with strangers on social media or in the comments of certain apps. This is simply living in the 21st century. Most people can move on with their lives relatively quickly after one of these experiences. However, because of RSD, you might find yourself stewing and seething over an interaction you had with a nameless profile. It might even ruin your entire week.

Doing a digital detox can help. However, staying being could also be good training ground for exposing yourself to the things you fear. For example, before you delete the nasty comment someone posted, ask yourself if it’s true. Also ask, “Why do I care so much, and what is the worst that can happen?” The internet and social media might be a helpful training ground for you to face conflict and rejection with minimal consequences, teaching yourself to withstand it.

With Yourself

The most common area of life where you will feel RSD triggered is within yourself. Many of those with ADHD are their own biggest critic and first bully. This often comes from feeling like a constant failure because your expectations of yourself are too high to begin with. You criticize yourself for every mistake, and every failure feels monumental.

If Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria were a building of thoughts and feelings, then the foundation would consist of guilt and shame. “We accept the love we think we deserve” is a truth that challenges many people, and those who have ADHD and RSD the most of all. You probably feel as if it is too late to change your ways or that it is too complicated to challenge yourself, but you are worth the effort.

You don’t have to live in a building made from shame, guilt, and fear. It’s not too late to begin building a new home for yourself, one that can weather even the fiercest storm of rejection. You could begin to be a friend to yourself.

If you have been overwhelmed by trying to cope with ADHD, and you need some help, maybe it’s time to try counseling. Things won’t change overnight, and you must put the work in. With a counselor on your side, though, you won’t be alone. Contact our offices today to begin your journey. We have therapists in our practice ready to help!