Understanding ADHD and Emotional Regulation

When you think about ADHD, what’s the first thing that comes to mind? It’s probably not emotions. You might be thinking about what’s behind the name of this diagnosis, like task management and attention issues.

Emotions, however, are incredibly relevant to living with ADHD. What you may not know is that emotional dysregulation is one of the biggest symptoms of this disorder. This means that if you have ADHD, it might be hard for you to even recognize what you’re feeling. In turn, difficulty identifying your feelings also makes it harder to manage them with balance (meaning not suppressing your feelings or allowing them to have total control).

ADHD diagnoses are becoming more common – about 11% of kids and 5% of adults in the United States have had a diagnosis at some point. While emotional regulation is important for everyone, it’s an especially important skill for those with ADHD because of the extra challenges the disorder brings.

According to ADD.org, “Researchers suggest that ADHD is the mental health disorder with the strongest link to [emotional dysregulation].” Despite this, we often don’t talk about ADHD and emotional regulation, focusing instead on the functional issues it causes. However, our emotions, productivity levels, and relationships are all intertwined, and it’s crucial to discuss the emotional aspects and how they might be affecting you if you have ADHD.

What is ADHD?

ADHD stands for attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. It’s considered a developmental disorder, and the main features are inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. One or more of those features can be most prominent in any individual with ADHD. In an ADHD diagnosis, these behaviors affect multiple areas of life in a disruptive way, whether it’s work, school, relationships, personal habits, or spending.

What is Emotional Regulation?

Two common symptoms of ADHD are triggers and meltdowns. Triggers can happen in any area of life. They can be related to social settings, emotional issues, and environmental factors. Triggers are any feeling or situation that causes a person with ADHD to have unusual difficulty managing their emotions.

Some of the most common symptoms of emotional dysregulation include:

Difficulty Recognizing Others’ Emotions Along with a struggle to identify your own feelings, if you have ADHD, you might tend not to notice others’ feelings either.

Difficulty Self-Soothing Once an emotion pops up, its intensity can overcome the skill of self-regulation. This means you might have trouble moderating the emotion instead of looking for someone or something outside of yourself to do it.

Irritability Emotional dysregulation and irritability are often closely linked. Irritability can be the primary symptom, or it can be a response to an increasing level of dysregulation. You might be highly irritated with other people, situations, or even with yourself.

Unpredictable Responses Other people might feel as though they can’t predict what you’re going to say and do from one situation to the next. You might notice that you lack consistency and that your responses are highly variable based on how you’re feeling.

Meltdowns occur when emotions overwhelm us. They are a more extreme version of dysregulation. They can include long or intense bouts of crying, rapid breathing, withdrawal, or isolation, yelling, and stomping. During a meltdown, emotions have become so heightened that controlling them can feel almost impossible.

What is the opposite of emotional dysregulation? What does it look like to be emotionally regulated, and how can we achieve that at an increasing level while working with an ADHD diagnosis?

Goals for Emotional Regulation

“Emotional regulation helps to maintain balance, ensuring that emotions do not overwhelm or disrupt our day-to-day functioning.” (Positive Psychology) The goal with ADHD and emotional regulation is managing emotions instead of being overcome by them. That involves developing the ability to identify one’s feelings and respond appropriately with healthy coping mechanisms.

To do this, we must be able to shift our perspective on our triggers, pause instead of immediately acting on impulse, and redirect impulses into more helpful responses.

Emotional regulation does not mean suppressing emotions. Suppression is only a temporary fix, and it’s linked to poorer mental and physical health. Emotional suppression would look like ignoring feelings, not acknowledging them, or just “stuffing” them rather than dealing with them.

No one is perfect at managing their emotions, whether they have ADHD or not. The goal is not perfection, but growth and a higher level of functioning. If you struggle with emotional regulation and ADHD, please know that you are not alone, and many people have successfully grown in this area and feel a greater sense of peace along the way.

Treatment for ADHD and Emotional Regulation

Multiple treatment modalities can be used in counseling for ADHD and emotional regulation, including CBT, DBT, neurofeedback, and others, in conjunction with any medication that has been prescribed. Keep in mind that a multifaceted approach, combining therapeutic techniques, self-care, and individual goal setting, will probably be most effective for ADHD and emotional regulation.

Practical Steps for Emotional Regulation

If you’re looking for some quick tips that can help get you started on regulating your emotions in a healthier way, here are some suggestions. Some of these tips are preventative, meaning they help reduce triggers, and others are responsive, meaning you can use them in the moment when you’re feeling overwhelmed by emotions.

The more you practice any responses that are helpful for you, the more instinctive they will become over time. These tips are most helpful for adults, but teenagers could try them as well, and parents can help younger children work on these skills.

Learn to understand your emotions Practice saying to yourself, “I’m angry right now,” or “I’m feeling happy,” or “I’m frustrated.” Once you have grown accustomed to noticing your emotions throughout the day, begin to notice whether you’re judging yourself for any given feeling. Try to practice simply noticing as an observation, disconnected from any judgment.

Pause between noticing your emotion and acting on it Even if you still act on it, try to pause first and take three deep breaths.

Notice how your body feels as you identify different emotions What are the physical symptoms you experience with joy, fear, irritation, or anger? Do you breathe quickly, get a dry mouth, or have an elevated heart rate? Try to notice your body and allow any racing thoughts to pass by.

Do a physical task This doesn’t mean a task that’s not fun! If you’re feeling dysregulated, try to do something positive with your body. This could be a hobby, stepping outside and touching something in nature, running your hands under cold water, playing with Play-Doh, sorting something, stretching, or washing dishes. You can use this for a quick reset or a longer session.

Notice something good, the more concrete, the better What is something in this room right now that you like, that is enjoyable, or that makes you feel good? Either write it down or just spend a minute thinking about it.

While practical tools like these can be helpful, individual counseling for ADHD and emotional regulation can speak to your specific situation in a way that general advice can’t. ADHD can sometimes be linked to co-occurring conditions such as anxiety, depression, or binge eating disorder, to name a few. A counselor can help you identify healing strategies for your life.

Though you may feel alone or ask yourself, “Is there something wrong with me? Why can’t I get it together?” ADHD is not a personal failure. The condition can make it more difficult for you to function in a world that is not built for your brain.

Overcoming these extra hurdles is not only challenging but also rewarding. You can gain perspective, understanding, and confidence as you navigate these challenges and learn how to care for your brain just the way God made it.