Adult Children with Aging Parents: A Shift in Caregiving

As children, the view of our parents is that they are healthy and strong. It is uncommon for children to think of having to one day care for their parents. When adult children notice that the aging parent now needs the care they gave, a shift in caregiving becomes present. The aging process for parents doesn’t have to be overwhelming for either person. Learning to manage the challenges helps create a new family dynamic.

Do not rebuke an older man but encourage him as you would a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, in all purity. – 1 Timothy 5:1-2, ESV

Caring for aging parents can create various emotions as the transition from child to caregiver ensues. These emotions are challenging for the adult child, but the aging parent also struggles with the changes.

The Changing Relationship

Aging parents long for a different type of relationship with their adult children. There was a time when the parent met the needs of the child. Making dinner, running errands, and maintaining a stable home were part of being a parent. Now the time has come when a parent may need help with shopping, dinner, and caring for the home.

Adult children start noticing that their aging parent has difficulty completing the everyday tasks that they have always done. As parents live longer, adult children are stepping up to assist with some of the everyday tasks.

Learning to balance home life and caring for an aging parent can be challenging for the child and the parent. The aging process varies for each parent, which affects the level of care required.

Determining The Level Of Assistance Needed

Most aging parents want to maintain as much autonomy as possible. They want to do as many things as possible without depending on their adult child. The key to maintaining a healthy relationship while shifting in care is to take time to evaluate the level of assistance that is truly needed.

Assess the need This includes every aspect of everyday life. Home safety, medical needs, mobility, personal care, and other family support needs are a few areas to assess when determining the level of care required for the parent as they navigate the aging process.

Involve the parents in the decisions Parents should be included in any decisions that affect them when it is feasible. They are likely to have opinions and ideas that will make the shift easier.

Assess the capacity Caring for an aging parent can be challenging, so the adult child needs to assess how much capacity they have available for the task of caregiving. It could be helpful to connect with others who are available to help.

Communicate The most important aspect of becoming a caregiver is to understand the role that communication will play. Not only is communication needed to express the needs, but there is a need for the availability of devices to be used in times of need.

Home safety restructuring Allowing the aging parent to remain in their home is an important factor in providing care. Taking time to ensure that the home is safe from accidents will create a sense of safety for the caregiver while maintaining dignity for the parent.

Understand other care options Even though the parent may be staying in the home, there may come a time when other options are needed. Examine what is needed and what services are available. There are assisted living options that can be accessed depending on the stage of the aging process of the parent.

The Benefits of Helping Aging Parents

Being a caregiver for aging parents can be overwhelming at times. It can be tiresome and stressful for all involved. The dynamics of the family will change, which can disrupt life. However, there are benefits to caring for aging parents.

Empathy grows stronger As an adult child begins to care for their parent, they will see firsthand the changes that are taking place in the lives of their parents.

Strengthened relationship When children reach adulthood and begin to create their lives, they may not engage in life with their parents as much as they once did. This is a normal process of adulthood. Becoming a caregiver reestablishes the connection and creates time to build on the relationship on a different level.

Creates a sense of purpose Caregivers for aging parents may enjoy a new sense of purpose. As they meet the needs of their parent, adult children begin to have a different outlook because the actions they take affect someone’s life.

Health boost Helping the aging parent maintain a healthy lifestyle can be done through sharing the experience of exercise and healthy menu planning. This will boost the health of the parent and the child.

Saves money When you decide to assist a professional caregiver, you can save money by being part of the care plan for the aging parent. Taking care of some of the tasks will reduce the amount of time a professional caregiver is needed.

Rebuilding the family

As the adult child rebuilds a relationship with the parent, there is also a high chance of the entire family reconnecting and creating a new family dynamic revolving around the care of the aging parent. Keep the parent at the forefront.

Being a caregiver means that there is a daily connection. This will help with monitoring health care. The parent may not always mention any new symptoms, so being able to see them regularly will allow the child to make note of any changes.

Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” – 1 Peter 5:5, ESV

Challenges And Tips to Navigate Them

Finding the right dynamic in the relationship of being a caregiver to aging parents can present difficult issues. After years of being in charge, the parent may begin feeling as though they have been dismissed and no longer matter. It is important to help them maintain dignity as they navigate the changes that come with having a caregiver.

Power conflicts are a natural response to the change that comes with being a caregiver. A parent may have a hard time viewing the adult child as someone in charge. This may cause the adult child to feel disrespected.

• Acknowledge the natural order of the relationship.
• Agree there is a need for a shift in the responsibilities.
• Agree that the parent and the child have important input.

Communication problems can arise due to the intense emotions of the shift in caregiving. By choosing words carefully, communication can be successful.

• Remember to show empathy.
• Discuss concerns.
• Create a check-in schedule.
• Walk in forgiveness.
• Seek support from other family members, friends, or community groups.

Boundary issues Regardless of the level of care that is needed, it is helpful to have boundaries in place that will promote respect.

• Create a schedule that will allow space and time for the parent and child.
• Discuss who will be responsible for each task.
• Prioritize the tasks so that the important ones are completed first.

Outside Help

Trying to take care of everything alone can lead to stress and burnout. This can affect the health of the caregiver.

• Discuss outside professional help from home healthcare providers.
• Incorporate day centers into the weekly schedule to allow for new relationships.
• Join a caregiver support group for emotional support and ideas that will reduce stress.

Christian Counseling

Aging parents often require some level of assistance in everyday tasks. Adult children may feel overwhelmed at taking on a new responsibility. It is vital to examine the needs and the availability of someone to meet those needs of an aging parent.

This may mean that the parent needs to live with the child. Whether or not the parent moves in, conflicts will arise because of the shift in care. Take time to connect with a Christian counseling service to help navigate all aspects of becoming a caregiver for an aging parent. Reach out to our offices to meet with one of the counselors at our location. They are ready to help you walk through this new phase of your relationship with your parents.