When Things Get Out of Hand: Bullying and Your Child

Bullying. The term can dredge up painful memories, especially to those now-grown adults who survived the turmoil and angst created by a bully. Most reported bullying is done at school or by classmates in another environment, although bullying can occur elsewhere.

State lawmakers are making educators and others more aware of the violent form of abuse that actually is bullying. Bullying was once thought of as a rite-of-passage type behavior, something only quiet children had to worry about, and only extreme cases were ever reported. Today, laws and policies are in place in various states across the U.S. to decrease the act of bullying while increasing bullying prevention programs.

Types of Bullying and Harassment

When it comes to the act of bullying at school, children may face six different types. Sometimes the bully is one person in the same school or grade as your child. Other times, they may have to deal with a group of bullies that prey on those students outside of their clique.

Your child could have a confrontation with a bully outside of the normal school hours, such as when walking home, on the school bus, or during an extracurricular activity. Bullies have also been known to threaten or harass the student at other locations, such as the library.

One of the most common types is verbal bullying. Bullies will use verbal threats, name-calling, slurs, put-downs, and other comments to hurt another student. Some bullies make it a point to say things in front of an audience to either show their superiority or cleverness. Other bullies wait until the student is alone to make threats or use another form of bullying or harassment.

Physical bullying is the act of touching, shoving, and/or hitting the student. Although the bully may not have any real reason to dislike the child, bullies still verbally and physically harass others. Some children refuse to admit when they are being physically bullied, but you can watch for signs. For example, a child may come home with unexplained scratches or bruises, or even torn clothing.

Social bullying is another way to isolate a student. The bully may lie or tell things about the student to make others dislike or distrust them. The lies could be about the student or their family. Sometimes the bully will make gestures behind the student’s back and create a “bandwagon” that other students jump on, eventually turning the student into a pariah of sorts.

With the popularity of social media, cyber-bullying has become a new outlet for harassment. Now bullies can target their victims for the entire world to see while posting derogatory pictures and comments. Other students may chime in on the conversation. Since children associate their school lives, friends, and family as their world, this behavior leads the student to feel as if everyone hates them.

Sexual bullying and harassment are also insidious behaviors. Bullies may make physical advances toward a student and become increasingly “hands-on” when the student rejects them. Others may taunt the student verbally with threats, insinuations, shaming, or lewd comments. Teenagers that engaged in sexting (texting pictures of themselves in compromising situations) may find their photos shared with the school and online (also a form of cyber-bullying).

The sixth type of bullying can include several of the other types. Prejudicial bullying happens when the bullies dislike and pick on a student due to their race, religion, or another identifier that makes them different from the bullies.

Unfortunately, some bullies grow up to be adult bullies. They may harass others at work or quietly use a form of social bullying to get a coworker terminated. Many companies offer harassment training and do not tolerate that type of behavior in the workplace.

Preventing Bullying in the Schools

The public school system has come a long way over the past six or seven decades when it comes to bullying. More bullying prevention and counseling for kids are available than ever before. Most school systems also have a zero-tolerance policy for bullying of any type.

School systems train their educators in recognizing and preventing bullying with one-day training, meetings, and evidence-based programs. Teachers can instruct their students to identify the signs and how to safely help another student who is being bullied.

Sometimes the best way to teach children about bullying isn’t to lecture them, but to provide them with other creative ways to express themselves. Teachers can assign skits, group presentations, or creative writing assignments about what to do when someone is bullying others, or how to prevent a specific type, such as cyber-bullying.

Kindness should be reinforced with students. Each child should treat others with respect, even when they are having a bad day due to something that happened at home or at school. Younger children who are taught to create an outlet for their emotions may reach a level of emotional maturity earlier and not bully others.

Our children need to know they can speak to an adult they trust when faced with a bully or a bullying situation. If they can immediately find an adult who can stop the bullying at that moment, not only will it give them confidence in authority figures, but it may stop the bully from continuing their harassment.

Allowing school counselors to have an open-door policy for child counseling reassures students that someone is available to listen to them. Sometimes a child is more likely to go to a counselor than to inform their parents, especially if the bullying and harassment are embarrassing. For example, a young teenage girl may tell a counselor about sexual harassment and shaming comments made about her before she would tell her father.

All 50 states, Washington D.C., and the U.S. territories implement some type of law and/or policy; however, these vary between states and districts. For example, Washington State has both bullying laws and policies in place, but North Carolina only has laws that address bullying.

Child Counseling – What You Need to Know

Sometimes children can’t simply shrug off an encounter with a bully, especially if the harassment is ongoing and takes different forms. The child may develop a victim-like mentality. They may feel worthless, unwanted, depressed, and anxious. Children, when frightened or worried, will develop physical ailments like headaches and stomach aches. They may “play sick” to keep from going to school or even skip school.

A child who is being bullied may lose interest in extracurricular activities, hobbies, and academic achievement. They may begin to believe the effort is not worth the drama and fear. If they’ve been the victim of social and/or cyber-bullying, then they may feel like life as they know it is over.

It doesn’t matter if your child is 10 or 17; consider child counseling if they are a victim of bullying. A therapist can work with your child to help heal the emotional wounds caused by mean-spirited and hateful people. The therapist can introduce your child to psychotherapy techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

CBT is a form of talk therapy that not only discusses the harassment scenarios but also teaches the child how to change their thoughts and emotions toward the bullying. They reframe their perspective of the event. This lessens the emotional hold the bullying has over the child, enabling them to move on.

Sometimes, long-term bullying leaves lasting effects. Your child may develop mental health conditions in response to the abuse. A facility that specializes in child counseling can also treat anxiety, depression, self-harm, eating disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder. All of these mental health conditions are manageable through psychotherapy, CBT, and medications.

Enlisting the help of a faith-based counseling center could assist your child in overcoming the effects of bullying as well as provide them with the courage to stand up for others, just like the heroes in the Bible.

When they feel afraid, discouraged, or worthless, they can learn to reach out to God for strength. Praying to God can help them give their worries to Him and let go of the people they can’t control. They will learn to rely on Him and on their own inner strength as His child.