Examples of Emotional Neglect in Relationships

Whether you’re a child or an adult, you have certain basic needs that should be met. We are deeply social beings and interdependent. That means you can’t meet all of your needs by yourself. This is not a bad thing; it’s how the Lord designed us. We are at our best when we are in healthy, mutually dependent relationships with others. When we are denied our most basic needs, it can have a huge impact on our well-being.

Some Examples Of Emotional Neglect

The words “emotional neglect” might evoke dire images that could feel distant from your own experiences. Often, emotional neglect is subtle, but it will nonetheless affect you. Emotional neglect is when you don’t receive the attention, support, validation, nurture, and responsiveness that you need to flourish. This form of neglect can occur in childhood, but it can also happen in adult relationships.

Emotional neglect can take many forms, some of them subtle, and others quite overt, and these include the following:

Lack of emotional support

If you’re going through a tough time, you need people around you. If your loved ones fail or refuse to offer you comfort or encouragement during difficult times, that’s also a form of emotional neglect.

Being ignored or having your feelings dismissed

When you share your experiences, thoughts, feelings, or ideas with someone, and you get shut down, ignored, or dismissed, that’s a form of emotional neglect. The other person might respond to you by saying “You’re overreacting” or “Don’t be so sensitive”, and these are ways of being ignored or dismissed.

Dismissing emotional intimacy

Another example of emotional neglect is when a loved one avoids vulnerable conversations or intimate moments.

Inconsistent or unpredictable behavior

If your loved ones are inconsistent and unpredictable about showing up in your life, these erratic actions or moods can create deep uncertainty and anxiety.

Emotional unavailability

When a loved one is being distant, preoccupied, or unresponsive to your emotional needs, that unavailability is also a form of emotional neglect.

Emotions are being minimized or trivialized

If the significance of your feelings or experiences is downplayed, that’s also an example of emotional neglect. This can happen in several ways, including emotional invalidation, which is when you’re left feeling unseen, unheard, or unimportant to your loved one.

Lack of active listening

When you express yourself, one expectation is that the person you’re talking to will listen, just as you’ll extend them the same courtesy. Failing to engage, remember important details, or show interest in what’s being said is another example of emotional neglect.

Withholding affection or emotional support

Sometimes, emotional withdrawal is used by a romantic partner as a form of punishment or control.

Failing to acknowledge or validate emotions

If your feelings are not recognized or accepted, that’s a form of emotional neglect.

Prioritizing others’ needs over your own

Your loved one cannot and should not exclusively care for your needs while overlooking others. However, if they consistently put others’ feelings or needs above yours, that’s an example of emotional neglect.

Gaslighting or manipulation

If a loved one distorts reality, denies previous agreements, or uses guilt to control your emotions, that’s a form of manipulation and emotional neglect.

How Emotional Neglect Affects You

A child can experience emotional neglect when their parent or caregiver doesn’t provide them with the support or attention they need. Emotional neglect can also occur in relationships between adults, with devastating effects. Emotional neglect can have profound effects on both children and adults, including an increased risk of mental health issues, struggles with self-awareness and identity, as well as difficulty with emotional resilience.

Emotional neglect can also result in emotional numbness or disconnection, difficulty with emotional awareness and understanding, and challenges in forming and maintaining healthy relationships with others. Even though emotional neglect can have long-lasting effects, with support from mental health professionals and your loved ones, and by engaging in self-care activities, you can mitigate these effects and find healing and wholeness.

Overcoming The Harmful Effects Of Emotional Neglect

Emotional neglect can be subtle and is often not intentional. A loved one might be stressed and preoccupied with a deadline and not pay you the attention you need, for example. That doesn’t mean they don’t care about you. Reach out and talk to your loved one about what you’re experiencing and what your concerns are. They may be unaware of what they’re doing and may just need a gentle nudge and reminder.

However, if there is a consistent pattern of you being unheard, unseen, or unsupported, it may be helpful to address these concerns with the person involved or to seek support from a mental health professional.

Whether you’ve experienced mild or significant emotional neglect, it has an impact on you, and it can affect your relationships as well as how you perceive yourself. The path to finding wholeness and healing from emotional neglect will be unique for you, and what you need will be different from what another person needs in their circumstances. Healing is a journey that will require you to extend patience, kindness, and compassion toward yourself.

Some of the steps you can take to overcome the effects of emotional neglect could include:

Acknowledge and accept

You need to recognize the emotional neglect and the impact it’s had on your life. Accept your feelings and experiences. Emotional dysregulation is one of the effects of emotional neglect, and as you grow in your ability to acknowledge and accept your feelings, you can also practice recognizing, understanding, and expressing your emotions in a healthy manner.

Re-parent yourself

If you experienced emotional neglect as a child, you could begin finding healing by treating yourself with kindness, compassion, and understanding, just as a supportive parent would. Be compassionate toward yourself and treat yourself with kindness, especially when you’ve made a mistake.

Reframe negative beliefs

One of the consequences of emotional neglect is developing a negative self-perception. Challenge and reframe negative self-talk and beliefs about yourself that you’ve formed due to your experiences of emotional neglect. You are a person who’s fearfully and wonderfully made in God’s image. You can rely on Scripture, for example, to help reframe your thinking about yourself.

Prioritize self-care

When someone else disregards you, you can wind up internalizing that and consider yourself unworthy of attention. You matter, and that means taking care of yourself matters. Take the time to engage in activities that will nourish your mind, body, and soul, such as exercise, eating a healthy diet, meditating on Scripture, or making time for your hobbies.

Set good boundaries

Boundaries are the foundation for healthy relationships. A boundary is a psychological demarcation that distinguishes you from other people. Having good boundaries allows you to be able to meet your needs, and it establishes your limits in how you’ll participate in a relationship. You can establish and maintain healthy boundaries with others to protect your emotional well-being.

Practice mindfulness

If you’ve experienced emotional neglect, you might find yourself dwelling on the past and possibly feeling resentful for how you’ve been treated. Instead, focus on the present moment and engage in activities that promote mindfulness. If you need to forgive others, do so, knowing that forgiveness sets your own heart free from resentment and the need to get even.

Celebrate your milestones

As you find your healing, form healthier relationships with others, and begin overcoming the effects of emotional neglect, take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your achievements and progress.

Seek support

You may not want to walk on this journey alone. You can reach out to trusted friends and family members for emotional support and guidance. You can also consult a mental health professional, such as a therapist or counselor, to walk with you on this journey. You need to find a space to share your concerns, get perspective, as well as develop skills to express your needs without blaming or shaming others.

Christian Counseling

If you’ve experienced emotional neglect, whether as an adult or when you were a child, you must take stock of how it may have affected you and seek help. Reach out and speak to someone like a counselor or therapist so that you have a safe and nonjudgmental space in which to process the experiences and find healthy ways to relate to yourself and others.