Is There Such a Thing As a Bad Friendship?

Is there such a thing as a bad friendship? One of the many sayings from the biblical book of Proverbs about friendship says,

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother – Proverbs 18:24, NIV

There is a sense in which in our world we are starved for true friendship, and we can end up settling for friendships that aren’t conducive to our flourishing. Instead of having true friends, we have people whom we follow or who follow us on our social media platforms, or they are labeled ‘friends’ even though you only met them once at your cousin’s wedding and it felt rude to turn down a ‘friend request’ from them.

It matters who you call friend, and it matters whether they are reliable. But is there such a thing as a bad friendship?

Bad friendship does exist

It may seem overly harsh to label people and certain things in such absolute terms as ‘bad’, but the best thing you can do for yourself is to name things accurately in your life. You can save yourself a lot of hassle if you’re honest with yourself and with others about the nature of your relationships and the dynamics in them.

Jesus showed us the nature of true friendship, and what real love looks like. He said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13, NIV), and He demonstrated that love for us by dying on our behalf to rescue us from sin and death (Romans 5:6-8). For Jesus, love was not just about words, but about action. He loved us and showed us that love, seeking our ultimate good in all that He did.

Compared to the true friendship that Jesus displayed toward us, our friendships can seem like pale imitations. However, some friendships look like what Jesus demonstrated toward us, and they are patterned after that, while other friendships look nothing like that and distort what true friendship is meant to be.

David and Jonathan are one Biblical example of a great friendship, but the Bible has many descriptions of bad friendships. Bad friendships do exist, and some of their characteristics include the following:

They don’t promote the good of either person in them

Some friendships coalesce around harmful activities such as substance abuse, illicit sex, or criminal activity. The end of participating in such a friendship is either poor health, addiction, or getting in trouble with the law. If a friendship doesn’t promote your potential or well-being, whether mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, consider the possibility that it’s a bad friendship.

It’s unbalanced

In a good friendship, love and affection are a two-way street. While a relationship may not always be 50-50, there is mutual care and concern. The relationship isn’t geared to meet the needs of one person, and the focus isn’t just on them. If there is no sense of mutuality in the relationship, that’s a bad friendship.

It’s abusive

Some people whom we call ‘friends’ may undermine our well-being, whether through physical, mental, or emotional abuse. Your friend might consistently overstep boundaries, and not consider your feelings or thoughts.

You might stick around because you grew up together, but the relationship no longer serves you and it is toxic. A misplaced sense of loyalty, or the desire to avoid loneliness can keep a person in an abusive situation that they should exit immediately.

Moving away from bad friendships

You are valuable in God’s eyes as part of His creation. You deserve to be treated with respect, and you are worthy of receiving and giving love. Unreliable and unhealthy friendships can bring ruin, but healthy friendships are worth pursuing as you would treasure.

If you haven’t found yourself in the best or healthiest friendships, why not talk with a counselor? They can help you understand the negative patterns of relationships in your life and provide you with tools to assert healthy boundaries and pursue healthy friendships.