“I Am Angry”: 8 Tips for How to Control Your Anger

Can you name something that you came across recently in the news or on your social media feed that made you angry? Numerous things can make us angry, including politics, neighbors, family members, frustrating work situations, bad driving, unpleasant weather, and many more. It’s quite likely that you were able to point something out without too much trouble.

Is it a big deal if you’re angry?

As you reflect on your feelings and behaviors, how have they affected your life and well-being? Not everything that you feel, think, or do is beneficial to you, and doing that sort of inventory is a healthy thing. We read Paul’s challenge in the Bible, “‘I have the right to do anything,’ you say – but not everything is beneficial. ‘I have the right to do anything’ – but I will not be mastered by anything” (1 Corinthians 6:12, NIV).

So then, as you pause and look at your life, it can be helpful to ask the question whether being angry is a big deal. The thing with anger is that it’s an emotion, and our emotions have their place in our lives. Anger can help you identify those areas where perhaps you feel vulnerable or under threat. After all, you typically don’t get angry about things that don’t matter to you in the slightest. We do get angry when we care or feel scared.

Anger itself isn’t a bad thing, but when it’s unmanaged, it can do a lot of damage in your life. Your relationships, health, and quality of life can all fall to pieces if your anger takes the lead. However, when you constructively express your anger, it can serve as fuel to agitate for change, correct an injustice, or reassess what matters most to you. To do this, you need to understand your anger better and learn to control it.

Some of the ways your anger might affect you include the ways it can lead to increased levels of stress, anxiety, and a greater risk of depression. Apart from your mental health, anger can increase conflict and misunderstandings in your relationships. Instead of bringing you closer, anger can create emotional distance, especially if your loved ones feel unsafe around you because you are volatile.

Excessive and uncontrolled anger can also result in physical health problems like cardiac issues, high blood pressure, and a weakened immune system due to high levels of stress. You’ll become more susceptible to illness as a result.

Anger doesn’t just affect your personal life; it can also undermine your professional life and work goals. Anger can hinder effective teamwork and communication, limiting your prospects of advancement.

Because anger can have such a profound impact on your life, if you find that anger is negatively impacting your life, reach out for support from a professional, such as an anger management therapist.

Signs of Anger Issues in Your Life

Anger can range from mild to intense and overwhelming. The things that trigger you, such as people being late to meetings or bullies, might not trigger someone else. Anger triggers a physiological response, which results from stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline being released into your body – your heart will race, muscles will tense up, your chest might feel tight, and you might feel more energetic. Knowing this can help you detect anger.

There is a difference between feeling angry and having anger issues. Scripture makes a distinction between being angry and sinning – “In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold” (Ephesians 4:26-27, NIV). Anger issues are when your anger has taken over your life, and you’re not in control of your responses any longer.

Some of the signs of anger issues to look out for include being frequently or constantly annoyed or easily frustrated, experiencing strong emotional outbursts or intense reactions to small inconveniences, and struggling to calm down after getting upset.

Other signs of anger issues include the impact anger has on your relationships. If you lose relationships or have difficult relationships with family, friends, or colleagues because of your anger, you need to evaluate whether you have anger issues.

Lastly, if you often feel regret or guilt for the things you say and do while you’re angry, that also could point to anger issues.

How to Control Your Anger: 8 Practical Tips

Anger, if it isn’t controlled, can be devastating, causing a lot of damage in your life. Your emotions can be helpful advisors, informing you about what’s going on inside you, including how it’s affecting you. However, it’s not always helpful or beneficial to let your emotions take the lead, as they may not always be bound by wisdom or lead to the righteous life that the Lord desires for His people (James 1:19-21).

When you bring anger under control, it can be a helpful servant, alerting you to when your boundaries have been violated or when you believe that something you care about is under threat. Anger must always yield its place to love; love for God, and love for neighbor. Often, our anger is centered on us and our needs, which can lead us to disregard others and how we can best and most wisely serve them.

There are some strategies you can implement to get a better handle on your anger. These strategies can be implemented with the understanding that you can have a healthy relationship with your anger. For some, past experiences of aggression or violence may have led to the conclusion that anger itself is problematic, and not just its expressions.

Some strategies you can implement for how to control your anger include the following:

Recognize the signs of anger Learn the cues of your anger; do you feel tense, a buzzing in your ears, a rapid heartbeat, or feel your face flush? Pick up on things like when you feel irritable, overwhelmed, or frustrated, as they can tell you how you’re feeling, and you can react appropriately.

Identify your triggers Whether you journal or simply take time to reflect on past situations, you can discern the patterns in the places, people, or situations in which you typically get angry. Over time, you can discern what triggers your anger.

Pause before you act or react Even when you’re triggered, don’t be quick to act on those thoughts or feelings. Take a moment to breathe deeply to calm yourself, or count slowly to ten as you breathe to make yourself slow down before you respond. You can use mindfulness or visualization techniques to reduce tension and calm your body and mind.

Be calm and express yourself Tell the other person what you’re feeling in a calm manner. Use your “I” statements, and as hard as it may be, focus on the specific issue at hand instead of bringing up past grievances you may have.

Find ways to channel your energy Having an outlet for your energy is a good thing. Some people enjoy walking, dancing, rock climbing, roller-skating, cycling, painting, or making music to help unwind. These creative outlets and ways to use your energy in constructive ways help reduce stress and better manage your emotions.

Reflect and learn It may be unpleasant to do so, but when you calm down, take the time to consider what happened, from start to finish. Consider what triggered your anger, how you handled it, what worked well, and what you can do better next time. This way, each incident is an opportunity to learn how to handle your anger better.

Strengthen your communication skills Knowing how to communicate makes a huge difference when dealing with anger. Whether learning how to listen actively so that you can be empathetic and hear others’ perspectives without judgment, or learning to be assertive so that you can express your needs and expectations clearly, these things will help reduce conflict and opportunities for anger.

Seek support Anger can be an overwhelming feeling, and having people around you who can help shoulder that burden makes a difference. Share with trusted loved ones or talk with a counselor or anger management therapist. A professional can give you guidance on how to control your anger, walk with you to monitor your progress in handling anger well, and help you nurture skills like reflection, self-awareness, and better communication.

With help, you can have a healthy relationship with your anger, improving your well-being. Contact our office today at Thousand Oaks Christian Counseling to meet with me or one of the other faith-based therapists in Thousand Oaks, California.