Harnessing the Power of the Tongue for Good

One of the gifts that distinguish human beings from other species is our ability to communicate effectively using words. We are a speaking species, though our speech takes place in diverse ways. Nowadays, the picture language our ancestors once used has made a comeback in the form of emojis, tiny little icons that express worlds of emotions with a single image.

With these and many other words, we can communicate our intent, feelings, ideas, dreams, and more. Our tongue possesses a lot of power, and so wielding it well should be something we think through carefully. After all, we don’t let kids (or adults, for that matter) play with dynamite, matches, or blowtorches.

When speaking about the power of our tongues, we use “the tongue” figuratively, because differently-abled people can still communicate without using their tongues, and human beings also communicate via text just as well as in any other way. “The tongue” refers to our capacity and facility for communicating with others.

The power of life and death

In many places, the Bible talks about the tongue holding the power of life and death. This should teach us that God views our capacity for speech as a gift we should handle responsibly. Proverbs 18:20-21 is an example of wisdom from Solomon that he is passing on to others. These others may be people who are in positions of some authority.

The passage reads, “From the fruit of his mouth a man’s belly is filled; with the harvest from his lips, he is satisfied. Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” In one sense, we are being reminded of the age-old principle that we reap what we sow.

Our words go out there into the world, and they influence others. That effect, whether good or ill, will come back home to us. If you’re in the business of using your words for hate, that hate will find its way back to you. Those words of hate will also have an impact on others. The same goes with words of love and life. This is all the more true with individuals who wield influence – their words tend to have a multiplier effect, which makes it crucial that they speak words of life and not death.

In his letter to the Christians in the city of Ephesus in modern-day Turkey, Paul reminds them of their new allegiance to God, and how that ought to change everything, including how they talk and use their words.

Ephesians 4:29 and 5:4 read, “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them…Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.”

Put another way, our words have the power to tear down or to build up. They can be useful and fitting to one’s profession of faith, or unfitting and destructive. The nature and flavor of the words that we produce matter, especially because they affect the people that hear them.

No other Bible passage paints a picture of the power of the tongue as vividly as James 3:1-12. It reminds us that ideas and teaching the truth about God are crucial. If we spread the wrong ideas about God to others, that has enormous consequences for us and others who buy into those false ideas. It’s a bit long but reading it in full gives you a better picture of just how destructive our words can be not only for ourselves but for other people. The passage says:

Dear brothers and sisters, not many of you should become teachers in the church, for we who teach will be judged more strictly. Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

We can make a large horse go wherever we want using a small bit in its mouth. And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go, even though the winds are strong. In the same way, the tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself.

People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is restless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth.

Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water? Does a fig tree produce olives or a grapevine produce figs? No, and you can’t draw fresh water from a salty spring. “

The passage ends with a challenge to control or tame our tongues, and to be consistent in our use of words. If you’ve ever “put your foot in it” you know how difficult it is to control your tongue, and how it’s so hard to take things back once they’ve been said. Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, there’s no way to get it back in there.

So, it’s better to tame our tongues so we don’t speak out of turn than to try and fix the damage once it’s done. Additionally, our tongues shouldn’t be the source of both curses and blessings. If our tongues reveal the kinds of people we are, then we ought to be the kind of people from whom blessings pour forth, and not curses or a mixture of both.

Wielding the power of the tongue for good

With all that said, how then do we wield the power of our words for good?

• Our words can work for either building others up or tearing them down. We can use our words constructively to encourage others, or we can cut them down with withering criticism, sarcasm, and insults. Opt for building others up rather than tearing them down. Speaking the truth in love does not mean that you’ll never say anything that may be construed as hurtful. Yes, the truth hurts sometimes. But are you saying it with sensitivity and intending to build them up?
• Our words have power, and they can hurt other people as well as damage relationships irreparably. Being truthful, measured, and discreet with our words goes a long way. If you must censure a friend, do it offline, or in some other private setting first before blasting them publicly. If someone shares their confidences with you, there are rare and limited circumstances in which those should be shared with others, as in the case where self-harm or harm toward others is imminent. Don’t be careless with your words. Think before saying anything, and don’t speak just for the sake of speaking.
• Exercise emotional intelligence in how you use your words. Don’t be rash or speak while you’re feeling emotional. If you receive a message that angers you, take a beat. Send a quick response indicating that you’ve seen the other person’s message/email. This at least puts them at ease that you aren’t ignoring them, and you will address their concerns. It also gives you time to cool off. Draft the email or text message, then leave it in your “Drafts” folder. Come back to it later when you’ve calmed down, and work through the draft making any necessary corrections. If it’s something someone says in person, excuse yourself from the room. Being emotionally intelligent means being aware not only of your emotional state but how what you say or write may be received by the other person. Taking the time to think through what you say will allow you to use your words wisely and effectively.

Conclusion

Our words are a precious gift from God. They can do damage to people here and now, and for years to come. Many people who experienced emotional or verbal abuse deal with it for years after the event. The person who abused them may not even be aware of what they did and the impact it had. It matters how we use our words, and we are challenged to use our words to encourage and build others up, instead of tearing them down. The power of the tongue needs to be used for good, and that can happen if we are conscious of the effect of our words, we control our words and deploy them out of a deep love for others.

You may have been at the receiving end of destructive words. The damage such words can do is profound and finding a safe space such as with a therapist who can help process what happened and unpack these effects is valuable.

If you struggle to harness your words for good, or you find that anger often gets in the way of you expressing yourself in healthy ways, getting help from a therapist is an avenue you should explore, not only for your own sake but also for the people in your life.