Gaslighting in Relationships: 6 Bible Verses of Encouragement

The term gaslighting derives from the 1944 film, “Gaslight,” in which a husband convinces his wife that she is losing her sanity by stating she is seeing things, for example when the lights flicker and nearly go out. It is an illustration of deceiving the victim into thinking they are going mad or losing their mind. Gaslighting in relationships is a form of controlling your victim.

Below are several passages of Scripture to help you recognize gaslighting in relationships – this manipulative form of control.

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. – John 14:6

This verse offers hope to victims of gaslighting in relationships by reminding them that no matter what their abuser’s comments may be, they can always look to Jesus, who is the truth. His promises are trustworthy.

In 2 Timothy 1:7, we read “…for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” God provides the strength to lead us beyond elementary teaching to maturity. He has promised His blessings to those who follow the hope He offers to you. Do not be discouraged, even if you feel dispirited and at a loss. Go forward with the knowledge that His guidance will see you through your troubles.

But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. – Matthew 15:18-20

As this passage shows, people who gaslight their unsuspecting victims are sinners at heart. They have ulterior motives and consequently must not be believed. Deception is at the core and gaining control in the marriage or relationship is the goal. But this is not a true or loving marriage.

But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler—not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? – 1 Corinthians 5:11-12

If, in a Christian marriage, any of the above characteristics come to light in your spouse, seek counsel. In verse twelve, Paul states that it is no business of his to judge those outside the church, that his disciples should judge those within!

Abigail, an attractive woman, was married to an emotionally abusive husband. Nabal is described as surly and mean, insulting and wicked by those who knew him. (1 Samuel 25:3,14,25). From the women’s side, Delilah nagged Samson constantly until he told her the secret of his strength lay in his uncut braids of hair (Judges 16: 16).

This led to his downfall after the Philistines cut it off, making him as weak as any other man. This is a picture of emotional or even psychological abuse! He had his revenge though by bringing down the pillars of the temple on them all. Regrettably, it is those loving souls in a gaslighting relationship that suffer the most.

Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. – Proverbs 16:18

The abuser in a gaslighting relationship displays selfishness, vanity, and pride; a “how will this affect me” attitude. They cannot relate to the world. This impedes personal growth and any relationships they have with other people. The interests of others are not considered.

Satan fell from Heaven when he tried to be like God. Adam too wanted to become knowledgeable like the Lord and ate the fruit of the tree. Pride also was the reason that the Pharisees condemned themselves to Hell, for they thought it was their good works, rather than faith, which would get them into Heaven.

Pride has brought about the downfall of many a king in the Bible, so guard against it. You are not better than others. We all struggle with this “cancer,” this feeling to be superior, to be above others, even spiritually. We are only rebelling against God in our thoughts, words, and deeds.

Set a guard, oh Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips! Do not let my heart incline to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds in company with men who work iniquity, and let me not eat of their delicacies! – Psalm 141:3-4

This is reminiscent of Matthew 15 where we discussed the deceptive words we speak that come from the heart. We indulge in

• Doublespeak: intentionally distorting our words to make them more acceptable.
• Minimization: making light of any inadequacies.
• Rationalization: making excuses to explain away problems.

How often has this happened in your relationship or marriage? Confess what you have done or said, repent before God, and apologize to your spouse. James 1:26 states: “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person’s religion is worthless.”

Gaslighting in relationships can take many forms as we’ve seen, but by being dishonorable in our partnerships, we dishonor God. Honesty is critical; do not try and deceive, insult, or manipulate. This will only lead to the dissolution of your marriage!

Whoever hates disguises himself with his lips and harbors deceit in his heart; when he speaks graciously, believe him not, for there are seven abominations in his heart; though his hatred be covered with deception, his wickedness will be exposed in the assembly. – Proverbs 26:24-26

This proverb is about deceit, something that is practiced in a gaslighting relationship – saying something pleasant while meaning something hateful. Not everyone will speak openly about their true feelings because it would put them in a negative light. Deception raises its ugly head once more and we realize that it is the principal factor in gaslighting relationships.

Jacob, in Hebrew, means one who seizes, circumvents, usurps! He deceived others with his cunning ways, a complex character who was nevertheless chosen by God over his older brother, Esau, to father the sons of the twelve tribes of Israel.

So, what can we deduce from the above verses about gaslighting in relationships? That human nature is complex and that in life you will meet people who will attempt to trick, abuse, and deceive you? Yes, but know this: the Lord is watching closely and if you trust in Him, He will bring you through such situations. He will punish such evil people by exposing their sins for all the world to see. Place your faith in God. He won’t disappoint you.