Coping with Depression: How Do I Move Forward?

The darkness comes like a heavy cloud, and everything becomes bad. You want to cry, you want to hide, you want to disappear from this earth. You think that others would be better off without you. You think it is you who is causing everyone around you to suffer.

You feel misery that threatens to rip you from the inside. These moments come either unexpectedly or just due to a life circumstance. You hit a wall and it feels as if you can’t escape. Coping with depression is a hard fight. The fact that you can’t avoid it or escape it makes you feel even more miserable, hopeless, and defeated.

The question is, “What do you do next?” You have a few options. One very obvious decision is to continue to simmer in the same trap in which you currently find yourself. The outcome of that option is not very bright. You can’t continue living on like that. This is the worst way of coping with depression. If you follow that path, you could find yourself in a much worse situation, a small snowball going down the hill could become an avalanche.

The other option is to run away and try out another life—whatever you think another life could be. It is very natural for us humans to run away from the problem. We avoid family members and friends when relationships become difficult.

You hear all around you how men and women are leaving one marriage and jumping into another. We witness acquaintances moving to other physical locations. People quit their jobs, hoping for a better work environment in a new setting. The instinct to flee is universal.

Yes, in some situations you need to establish your boundaries, and don’t be afraid to pursue new adventures in life when they come up. But if your biggest motivation is to run away from problems, I can tell you quite frankly that the issues you have at the moment will be there in your new life. Sometimes even worse. When you try to shove your emotional dirt under the carpet, it could become a bigger mess. It could be a never-ending sad story.

I would like to suggest another option for coping with depression: Acceptance. You must admit your reality as it is. In many cases, the circumstances of life can’t be changed. Acceptance doesn’t mean accepting everything and giving up, but rather being psychologically flexible and finding mindfulness in the moment. It might be the fact that you have to continue living in the same mess you are in, but you have a choice to embrace it.

A Mindfulness Exercise for Coping with Depression

When you accept it, you can cry about it, and feel sad, guilty, or sorry for yourself. Let yourself feel your feelings fully, embrace them, and show grace to yourself. When you find yourself in a rush of hopelessness and emotional darkness, when you can’t even move, try to practice the mindfulness exercise recommended by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.

First of all, bring awareness to your physical sensors. Sit or lay comfortably in a quiet (or even in the chaos around you). Start paying attention to your breathing.  Notice how your chest raises and goes down. Notice your whole body. Be aware of what you see, hear, smell, or touch. Spend a few minutes exploring all your senses.

Then, move your attention to your mental self. Notice what emotions you feel, and what thoughts are coming and going. Let your thoughts go by. Invite them when they come and let them go shortly. Be aware of what memories and urges you have at that moment. Try to acknowledge them one by one and let them go like clouds passing by.

Lastly, think of your connections outside yourself, your family members, friends, coworkers, and anybody you encounter day by day. Think about the relationship difficulties and joys these connections bring to you. Acknowledge these relationships without trying to solve any issues, then cultivate awareness of yourself and the world around you.

The next step would be to shift gears and start counting the blessings in your life. In the beginning, it might be very hard to find the strengths. Start with your presence, your eyesight, your hearing, and your ability to move your legs and arms are super strengths that God gave you.

Then be thankful for the people who are in your life. I bet even those who are aggravated by you have a deep desire to have a relationship with you. The typical example is an upset teenager who sends you away again and again, but deep down in his or her heart wants to be loved, pursued, valued, and worth fighting for. They still want to love you and they are hungry to be loved by you, in a unique and special way.

There is a reason you are put in a family or group of friends or in your work or your neighborhood. You belong where you are. You are responsible for those who are around you, even in situations you don’t want anything to do with. Like the Little Prince who was responsible for the selfish Rose on his small planet, you are still responsible for your roses, the people in your life.

God has a plan for you, even if you don’t think or feel like He does. But I can promise you, God has a very important plan in your life. The level of importance is sometimes not understood by the secular world. Sometimes that special plan does not look grandiose in the eyes of the unbeliever, who measures success by the amount of financial wealth one acquires. Trust me, you are very important, and God has a very special and unique purpose in your life.

According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, the second important part of coping with depression is doing in what is important in your life. Take a piece of paper, think, and write it down what matters to you. What are your values? Those values are your motivation to choose your next step. It is not just a one-time choice, but an ongoing daily decision to be open to what hurts you and to engage in your daily responsibilities with your full mind and full intention.

Your values become the paved path you walk on with stability and assertiveness. You become the one who chooses what to do next, instead of your emotions or thoughts choosing for you. The hardships will always be part of our journey on earth.

Different negative and positive thoughts will come and go. Feelings will be present. Be aware of your experiences in life. When you are open and mindful of your experiences and when you commit to your values on a daily basis, then you thrive in psychological flexibility and create a more meaningful life.

So, my dear friend, I want to hug you and tell you that it is okay to be sad and feel miserable. Embrace your sadness and accept your challenges and the limitations of your life no matter what they could be. Embrace it with dignity and honor. Lift up your daily cross. Ask Jesus to help you carry your cross. Sometimes Jesus can carry you and your cross at the same time when you can’t walk anymore.

Remember, you are not alone in coping with depression, you have a loyal friend in Jesus. You have a promised helper in the Holy Spirit. You have the unconditional love of your Heavenly Father. I want to encourage you that after you cry you can get up, pick up your cross, and walk your path designed by God until your race is finished.

You are always welcome to call us for Christian counseling to ask for professional support in your journey when it gets very hard. But never give up!