Good Grief: Finding Support for Your Grieving Process

Grief is supposed to be bad, right? Technically, it is a feeling of sorrow, but that isn’t entirely bad. Grief is a universal experience that uniquely affects each of us. It can feel overwhelming, unpredictable, and endless. It can affect our jobs, our physical beings, relationships, and really, every aspect of our lives. But what if there really is such a thing as “good grief.” Could it possibly be something more than just a catch phrase made popular by the beloved Charlie Brown?

There is some biblical evidence that good grief exists. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV) This means that God can bring about good and purpose even in the grieving process. It means that even though we will experience challenges and losses that may be painful, God has the power to use every situation to bring about growth and healing, and blessings.

Grief means there was love

Grieving something or someone who is gone means that there was love. If you miss someone, it means you loved them. If you miss something, it means you had something worth missing. Everyone will experience loss at some point in their life, but it is healthier to focus on the fact that you had something wonderful and special to begin with than to focus on what you don’t have now.

Celebrate the love that once was and look for ways to channel that love into someone or something else. Gratitude is a life-changing practice and mind shift that can be applied to your life, even amid the grief you are experiencing.

Shift your perspective

Where there is loss, there is usually a gain of some sort. Maybe the gain is not what you want, but if you shift your mindset just a little, you can find joy in these gains, even the small ones. What do I mean?

Let’s say you were a caregiver to someone you loved dearly, and they passed away. Will you feel a loss? Of course, you will. But that doesn’t mean you haven’t gained more personal time and perhaps more financial stability. Would you bring them back into your life if you could? Of course. But unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen, so you need to focus on what you have gained rather than what you have lost.

A practical way to do this is to do the things that you love to do but didn’t have time for before your loss. If you enjoy scrapbooking or golf or going on road trips but haven’t been able to because you were caregiving, make a plan to enjoy these activities again.

If you lost a relationship, look at this time as a period of self-care and reflection. Take the time to pamper yourself and decide how to turn your future self into an even better version of yourself. Don’t dwell on the past but look hopefully into the future.

Become more empathetic

There is just something amazing about grief that can transform even the most callused people into empathetic souls. Empathy and a connection with others often come after we have experienced our own loss.

Having first-hand experience with death or divorce or whatever situation has brought about your grief can be used by God to make you more compassionate and understanding to those around you.

This expanded empathy can make you a tool that God can use to help others. It can also lead to stronger and more meaningful relationships in your own life. Look for ways to use your grief to help others on their journey. You might be surprised at what God can do in and through your grief.

Embrace the grieving process

Embracing the grieving process doesn’t mean that you are erasing the pain or the loss. It doesn’t mean that you are disrespecting the person or situation that you’re missing. It means that you are acknowledging your emotions, allowing yourself to find a place of healing, and ultimately discovering how God can use your situation to solidify your resilience and your faith in Him.

Seek therapy for the grieving process

Seeking therapy for the grieving process from a Christian therapist can be an important step on the path to joy and reconciliation. It can be a safe space in which you can process your complex emotions with the added benefit of guidance and support.

These professional mental health specialists can provide you with the tools you need to help you understand your unique reactions to loss and offer coping skills to help you honor your loved ones and your past life while finding a new purpose in Christ.

If meeting with a Christian therapist in Thousand Oaks would help you find your way through the grieving process, contact our office today at Thousand Oaks Christian Counseling in California.