Why Premarital Counseling Is a Great Investment in Your Marriage

When you’re short on time, you spend what precious time you do have on what matters most, and what will yield the greatest benefit to you. This is how most of our lives work. We prioritize important things like spending time with loved ones, completing priority tasks at work, working on our health and well-being, or getting further education to advance our careers or learn new skills. It’s the same with premarital counseling in Thousand Oaks, California.

As you prepare to get married, one precious commodity is your time. There’s so much to be done, and once you’ve set a date, everything seems to rush toward you needing your attention and to be finalized. It can feel, in the swirl of all this activity, like premarital counseling is just one more thing – and one more unnecessary thing – to add to the to-do list. However, premarital counseling is a great investment in your marriage.

Approaching Premarital Counseling

There are many reasons premarital counseling may be seen as unnecessary.  You may see it as something that may or may not be useful, but is a low priority. One reason could be that premarital counseling is seen as something you do if you’re getting married in a church. Some see premarital counseling as a process you enter when things aren’t going so well and you’re unsure if you should get married.

Other misconceptions about premarital counseling are that it’s like a prenup – you sign it if you have concerns things won’t go well. Alternatively, there is a fear that premarital counseling will almost inevitably lead to you breaking up because you’ll argue due to the questions premarital counseling encourages you to explore. All of this results in a wariness about premarital counseling.

Couples need to understand what premarital counseling is and is not, as well as how it works and why. Premarital counseling is a form of talk therapy that helps couples prepare for married life. Married life comes with certain challenges and opportunities, and premarital counseling is designed to help a couple harness their strengths and align their goals and values so they can have a resilient and joyful marriage.

Premarital counseling is meant to help a couple grow in their ability to communicate, become more aware of each other’s needs and goals, and strengthen their capacity to face challenges that most marriages will confront. Instead of walking into marriage unaware of what you’ll face, it’s better to prepare for what could come your way. Premarital counseling anticipates the real experiences of most married couples.

Questions Addressed in Premarital Counseling in Thousand Oaks, California

Premarital counseling in Thousand Oaks, California creates a safe and guided space for a couple to consider questions that are and will be important for their life together. Marriages can be challenging for many reasons. Healthy relationships take work to build, and not everyone wants to put the work in. Unhelpful habits like poor communication, conflict avoidance or poor conflict resolution, anger issues, poor goal setting, and others can undermine a relationship.

Your premarital counselor in Thousand Oaks will sit with you and walk with you to consider questions you may not have explored in any depth before. It is possible, while you’re dating, to make assumptions and not ask certain questions that matter. Some topics may not come up, or they may feel too sensitive to dig into. Your counselor will help you by creating a safe and non-judgmental environment to explore these questions.

The questions that get explored in premarital counseling in Thousand Oaks, California may include the following:

What’s your understanding of marriage? Two people may have different ideas of what a marriage is. Some see it as merely a convenient social contract, while others see it as a God-ordained relationship that reflects Christ’s relationship with the church.

Children The question here is whether you want children, your vision of your family, and how you’d like to raise them. Will you have a nanny, or will one of you stay at home with them? Other key issues are discipline, schooling, and how to relate to your kids.

Sex and expectations How important is sex to you, and what are your expectations about your sex life? What are your boundaries? This also could include explorations of what you understand ‘infidelity’ to mean.

Money matters How will you handle money as a couple? Who is responsible for generating income, and how will you dispose of it, including saving, giving, and investing? Do you have debt?

Roles and responsibilities How will you divide the various roles and responsibilities of running a household? This includes grocery shopping, childcare, home improvements, cooking and cleaning, etc.

Faith How important is your faith to you, and how do you express it? How much influence will faith have on your decision-making, and will your core values be shaped by it?

Conflict How do you handle conflict? How will you have hard conversations, and where can you turn for support if you disagree about something important?

These and other questions are important because they can become points of significant contention in a marriage. Premarital counseling in Thousand Oaks helps you carefully consider these key issues so you can make an informed decision. Pinpointing issues of contention early on prevents you from getting surprised, and you can begin working on those issues now to strengthen your relationship and avoid unnecessary conflict in the future.

Next Steps

Premarital counseling in Thousand Oaks is a great investment in your marriage because it prepares you for that amazing journey. It’s time worth spending asking these questions seriously. If you’re thinking about getting married, you should seriously consider meeting with a couples counselor in Thousand Oaks, California who can walk with you on this journey. To schedule an initial appointment with one of the couples counselors in Thousand Oaks, give us a call today at Thousand Oaks Christian Counseling.