Toxic Masculinity: The Struggle Men Face 

We often forget that just as society has an ideological perception of what womanhood looks like there is often a stereotype for men. The idea that men have to be the strong breadwinner of the home has become toxic to how men perceive themselves. The stringent rules society has placed on what a man should be has pushed some men to the extreme belief of being a tough guy, creating toxic masculinity.

Toxic masculinity is defined as the guidelines or attitudes that pressure men into exhibiting manly behavior. This goes beyond the normal belief that a man is the protector and leader of the home. It is when these normal beliefs reach an extreme level of believing that men are dominant, aggressive, and anti-feminine.

The topic of men’s pressures to meet societal expectations is not discussed publicly. Yet, the effects can cause harmful consequences for both men and women.

The idea of toxic masculinity came about as the women’s movement had begun to create beliefs that all men were dictators and uncaring. Men were trying to overcome the expectations that were holding them back. The original intent was to promote community among men, increase bonding with fathers, and free them to express emotion without being labeled. This eventually led to an increase in the unhealthy attitudes and thoughts that some men have about women.

Some of these rules and attitudes include:

• Men should emote bravery above any fear.
• Men should keep any physical or emotional pain to themselves.
• Men should have the desire to be the winner in all things every time.
• Men should not ask for help.
• Men should never seek the comfort or tenderness of a relationship.

Some men were taught these things at an early age and therefore have grown into the mindset that causes toxic masculinity. “Boys shouldn’t cry or be sensitive” is a common phrase that most boys heard growing up in a time when the idea of manhood was to be the ruler of a kingdom.

Common signs of toxic masculinity

The signs ocan be complex and subtle at the same time. It is important to recognize the layers of signs to correctly identify toxic masculinity as an issue in certain men.

Promiscuity

Toxic masculinity promotes the idea that it is acceptable for men to have multiple sexual partners when it is frowned upon for women to do the same thing.

Stoicism

When it comes to showing emotions, the idea held by toxic masculinity is that it is not appropriate for men to show any emotions that do not portray being tough.

Controlling behavior

It encourages men to be assertive and dominant, especially in relationships/marriage.

Sexual aggression toward women

The influence of toxic masculinity leads men to believe that they are allowed to sexually harass women. This can also influence the feeling of entitlement to a woman’s body, especially in marriage.

Rejection of household duties

Roles and actions that are considered to be the duties of the woman are rejected by toxic masculinity. Men who struggle with toxic masculinity believe they should only provide for the home and partake in household duties of caring for the home.

Taking risks

Suppressing fear is another indicator of toxic masculinity. Men who are struggling with this may tend to take risks with drug abuse, dangerous activities, and involvement in violent acts.

Violence

Toxic masculinity encourages that it is okay for men to use violence to get respect.

These signs are behaviors that reflect distorted beliefs about being a godly man. It is important to identify them and find a way to help men understand how to break the bondage of this type of thinking. The best way to help is to find a Christian counselor who can assist with encouraging scripture-based thought processes that lead to a healthy mindset about godly men.

“So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”  –  Matthew 7:12, ESV

Are there risk factors associated with toxic masculinity?

We know that toxicity exposure can happen to everyone. The internet is available to almost every person and toxicity is easy to find on social media. This doesn’t mean that just because a person is exposed they will become toxic. Toxic masculinity does have a few risk factors that can contribute to this mindset.

Having a dysfunctional family dynamic and violence in the home is one risk factor that can contribute to the thought process of a man who is struggling with toxic masculinity. When a home is consumed with physical and verbal abuse it can encourage ideas of controlling behavior and aggressiveness.

Feelings of failing at being the stereotypical man is a noted risk factor that is associated with toxic masculinity. Not living up to the standard of manhood that society accepts can have a negative effect on men who try to take on the role of being the “man of the house.” The lack of behavioral control is also a risk factor for toxic masculinity that can lead to violence.

Another risk factor for toxic masculinity is when a man is rejected by his peers. The idea of toxic masculinity will lead them to believe that they must assert dominance which can lead to violence.

Examples

Toxic masculinity is not confined by any place or event. It doesn’t depend on social status or age. It can be found in school, the workplace, and homes. Here are a few examples that could indicate an issue with toxic masculinity:

• Fathers who tell their sons that “men don’t cry” or “don’t be a sissy.”
• Husbands who are unable to be emotionally vulnerable with their wives.
• When a man chooses what a woman can and cannot wear.
• The derogatory statements toward women who do not have solid relationships.
• When a boy is bullied at school because he isn’t masculine according to traditions.
• A man who refuses mental health help because “he can handle it.”
• A husband who will not cook dinner because “that’s what women should be doing”.

These are just a few examples of how toxic masculinity can present itself in common places every day.

The effects of toxic masculinity

The effects of toxic masculinity aren’t just about men. The effects can also linger in relationships. This leads to societal concerns and issues related to toxic masculinity.

Various areas of men’s health can lead to damaged relationships, loss of work, and unhealthy living habits. Most of the effects are seen as anxiety and depression, but there are physical effects such as substance abuse which can lead to a variety of physical issues.

The effects that toxic masculinity has on society are related to how the man who struggles with it interacts with others. This can be notably seen in how he treats women. The violence becomes acceptable so he doesn’t appear weak. An incident like rape, for example, is blamed on the victim because he was provoked.

Toxic masculinity isn’t just a danger for the men or their families, it can also be a danger to anyone who may become the target of certain ideas associated with a toxic masculinity mindset. It is important to recognize these behaviors so the chances of violence can be decreased.

Getting help

Men can get better by making changes to their mindset. They can change how they view themselves about being a godly man. Deciding to make those changes is the first step in overcoming the ideas that are associated with toxic masculinity.

Seeking help is one of the most important things a man can do when they want to find release from toxic masculinity. Because it affects mental health, a Christian counselor can create a faith-based plan of treatment to help him identify where his ideas fall on the spectrum of toxic masculinity.

Understanding how you feel about yourself and others can help you identify your thoughts about toxic masculinity. Learn to be okay with who you are and trust that God created you. Take time to have conversations with those around you who may be struggling with toxic masculinity. Having someone who understands may be more helpful than you know.

Find help

If you or anyone you know struggles with toxic masculinity and may be in a place of violence don’t hesitate to contact a Christian counselor in your area. They can help people find their way out of those distorted beliefs about what it means to be a man. God did not create men to be dictators. He created them to be loving providers. Contact a counselor on this site to learn more.