“Help, I Am Angry”: Finding Support for Anger Management

Have you ever found yourself thinking “I am angry!”? Anger is one of the many human emotions that are universal and which cuts across age, culture, and many other social divides. Anger is rooted in both internal and external factors. External factors are usually ones that are caused by other people, for example, when someone annoys or upsets you.

Other external triggers of anger include facing a real injustice, ill-treatment, threats, and other situations arising out of interaction with other people. Internal causes of anger include stress, anxiety, depression, or mental instability.

Because people are different, what angers one person will not necessarily anger the next. Almost everyone has big things and small things that they cannot tolerate should they happen. It is akin to having invisible boundaries that one wouldn’t like others to cross and once those lines are crossed, the anger inside is triggered.

How one reacts when they are angry is the common determinant of whether one has anger issues or not. Do you struggle with the question, “Am I angry because this situation is truly angering, or I am angry simply because I am an angry person generally?”

When does anger become problematic?

You might be asking yourself how can I tell what is normal and what is not when I am angry? While feeling angry is normal, it is not normal to feel angry all the time even by petty things. When you feel that you cannot control yourself when you are angry, that may also be an indication that you have anger problems. The following are the other ways you can tell that you may have an anger problem:

• Screaming and shouting instead of voicing your concerns calmly.
• Threatening or using violence against the person who has angered you.
• Smashing things against walls or banging doors as a coping mechanism.
• Resorting to self-harm whenever you feel angry.
• Your response to someone having different views from yours is always anger.
• You resort to passive aggression- this is where you try to communicate your anger indirectly in ways like resorting to sarcasm or other behaviors that you think will convey that you are angry.

Negative effects of anger

When you have anger problems, this may create other issues in your life that if left unaddressed, will ruin your life. If you are an angry person, this will likely put a strain on the relationships you have with others such as your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, your children, friends, coworkers, and subordinates.

When you are well known for your anger outbursts, people will often fear you and will try to avoid you or avoid bringing up issues that they think will lead to an outburst. If you resort to physical violence, you may hurt or even end up killing because you cannot control your anger.

Because anger as an emotion causes changes in the human body, it is also linked to other health-related issues. When you are angry, your heart rate, blood pressure, and even temperature can increase and if this happens often enough, the body is adversely affected. Research shows that people who have long-term anger issues often struggle with cardiovascular diseases (heart and vessel conditions) diabetes and eating disorders. Anger is also linked to depression, increased anxiety, and insomnia.

Dealing with your anger

If you have anger issues, you need to be intentional about learning how to control your anger and there are several ways that you can start trying to deal with your anger.

What is the source of your anger?

A good starting point is finding the source of your anger. You can keep track of all your anger episodes, especially those where you reacted intensely or violently toward someone because of anger.

Choose a day when you are in a less angry mood to try and understand what it is about that situation or person that made you angry. When you have anger issues, often the problem lies inside you, therefore knowing the source will help you identify areas of yourself that you need to work on or that you need professional help with.

Relaxation techniques

A relaxed mind might be all it takes to release the anger you feel. Several techniques can help you relax whenever you feel angry and if you master these techniques, you can use them any time the urge to throw things or punch something or someone overwhelms you. You can learn different relaxation techniques from simple breathing exercises, yoga, self-help books, and courses.

Better communication and conflict resolution techniques

Disagreements are part of human interactions and just because a person disagrees with your point of view or criticizes you, it does not always mean that they have malicious intentions. Learn to listen to what other people say to you even if you don’t agree with it.

As difficult as it may be for you, think about your words before you scream or shout them out. If you still struggle with that, you can try looking for a course on conflict resolution, anger management, or communication skills to learn how to listen and convey your points better.

Get professional help

If the source of your anger issues is depression or a mental condition, seek help from healthcare practitioners because, if these conditions are controlled, chances are you may start to see a change in how you respond when you are angry.

If you cannot identify the source of your anger issues on your own, talking to trained counselors may be helpful. Because they are trained in that area, counselors may help you not only identify the source of your anger, but they may help you deal with the anger in more constructive ways.

Exercise

Exercising does not only keep you in shape physically, but often it helps put you in a good emotional space as well. A minimum of three hours of exercise per week will improve your physical and mental health immensely.

It is well-documented that exercising constantly and consistently helps improve one’s mental health. Not only does exercise reduce stress levels but it releases feel-good endorphins which in turn enhance your sense of well-being. Chances are that if you are in a good place emotionally, petty things will not send you into bouts of anger.

Turn to the Bible

Several scriptures deal with anger issues, and you may get the help you need by spending time reading and meditating upon the word of God regarding anger. One great example is James 1:19-20 (NIV) which says, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

 God’s desire for our lives as Christians is for us to live righteous lives. This scripture teaches us how to interact with others. It encourages good and healthy communication skills through:

Listening

Communication is a two-way action hence it is important to listen to what the other person is saying without disrupting them, or dismissing what they say without considering the merit of their words.

Slow to speak

This does not mean speaking slowly, instead, it is God’s way of reminding you to pause and think carefully about the words you want to say before they come out of your mouth. Some words can be damaging, and you may even regret saying them, and sadly, life has no rewind or delete buttons hence the need to think your words through before saying them out loud.

Not being easily angered

It is a fact that in life you will have to deal with stressful and frustrating situations and people at some point (sometimes daily). Instead of having anger as your go-to emotion try restructuring the way you deal with frustrating people and situations. Choose healthy and constructive ways of dealing with situations that could potentially make you angry.

Being angry leads to sin

James 1:20 tells us that anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires and this is often because angry people tend to do angry things including emotional and physical violence. If you have anger issues, make it your daily prayer for God to lead you on paths of righteousness.

Do you need help?

Intense anger can be a difficult emotion to deal with and control on your own. If you still feel you cannot deal with your anger on your own, do not hesitate to get in touch with us and we will connect you with trained counselors to help you.