5 Crucial Questions To Ask Before Marriage

The nature of romantic relationships is changing faster than anyone can keep up with. The ways people meet and connect before marriage are as varied as the different kinds of people out there in the dating pool, and each of them has their idea of what relationships are about and how to get the most out of them.

Sometimes, things just don’t work out when two people get together, even in the best of circumstances. This is normal and shouldn’t discourage you. Heartbreak in relationships happens in part because people have entirely different playbooks, goals, and values when it comes to dating. It is better to have important conversations early on than to wait until you are emotionally invested to discover incompatibilities.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment to another person, and it is joyfully serious business. It’s not a secret that many marriages here in the United States and across the world flounder, and often in the first few years. Statista reports that both the marriage and the divorce rate in the US have been on the decline in the last couple of years, and that’s a good thing.

But it must be borne in mind that fewer people are choosing to get married, preferring instead to cohabit or remain single. Like any other important life decision being prepared prior to marriage is wise, and it’s important to ask yourself a few crucial questions before you take the plunge.

Benefits of asking yourself key questions prior to marriage.

Due to the “till-death-do-us-part” nature of marriage, it’s the kind of thing you don’t want to enter into without putting some thought into it. The person you marry is meant to be your partner for life, and that’s a weighty joy to contemplate. Whether you are currently in a relationship and considering marriage, or you are thinking about future dating prospects, asking yourself these questions might help you in several ways:

• It can help you develop self-awareness by making you think clearly about what and who you want in a spouse.
• It can help you streamline and narrow down your dating pool by isolating the qualities that are important to you.
• It can help you prepare for marriage by cultivating certain qualities in yourself.

Some crucial questions to ask yourself before marriage.

You can explore the following questions by yourself, with the person that you’re currently in a relationship with, or with the help of a trained counselor. Some people explore these and many other questions in premarital counseling and by way of marriage preparation.

Whatever the context and the company with whom you explore these questions, they are worth exploring to arrive at a clearer picture of what you want in a partner, in yourself, and from your future marriage if that’s what the Lord has planned for you.

Do either of us have concerns about taking this step?

Before you proceed toward marriage, it’s worthwhile asking yourself if you have any concerns or reservations about getting married.

You might be concerned that your or their parents were divorced, and whether that affects your chances of making it work. Significant studies have indicated that the divorce rate tends to be higher for children of divorce, and other studies show that adults whose parents divorced are often less enthusiastic about the institution of marriage.

Additionally, they often feel less personally committed to their relationships and have lower levels of confidence in their ability to maintain romantic partnerships over the long haul.

If one or both of you have been in abusive relationships, that can affect your levels of enthusiasm for a long-term committed relationship, and you may have concerns about that. Or, if you’ve been cheated on and have developed trust issues, that can make you pessimistic about marriage.

It’s important to note that these concerns aren’t necessarily a deal breaker. They are simply concerns that need to be expressed and addressed head-on.

What is the purpose of marriage, and can I fulfill it with them?

People have differing understandings of what marriage is and its purpose. For a Christian, marriage is a display in miniature of the profound and cosmic relationship between Jesus Christ and His people, the church (Ephesians 5: 22-33). Marriage is God’s idea, and He has a glorious purpose for it.

In your marriage, how you relate to one another as you pursue God’s Kingdom purposes matters for your relationship, but it also displays the beauty of Christ’s love for and eternal commitment toward His people and their love for Him. The watching world witnesses this miracle in real-time as they observe your marriage.

If your partner doesn’t see things in the same way and they are driven by a different vision of marriage, you should consider carefully if you should proceed toward marriage with them.

Why do I want to be with this person?

Many things draw us toward other people and make us consider them as potential life partners. Physical attraction is a part of the equation, but wisdom would suggest it shouldn’t be the main consideration. For one thing, beauty fades, and marriage requires qualities that go beyond how good-looking a person is.

Resolving conflict, setting goals, serving one another without grumbling, having a sense of purpose as a couple, changing diapers, and doing chores – this is everyday life in marriage.

Often, couples put the cart before the horse by having sex before they are married. Sexual attraction is powerful, and it can cloud your judgment as you excuse things in your partner that you shouldn’t. It’s better by far to be attracted to the whole person, especially their character, than to have your perspective skewed by sex.

Can I see myself building a life with this person?

In line with the previous question, ask yourself if you see a whole future ahead of you with this person. Does what you have at this moment look likely to last the distance and weather the storms that will inevitably come in marriage? Some relationships are really only placeholders for something more real.

You must be able to see yourself spending a lifetime with them committed to the hard work of building a marriage together. Doing this will require sober reflection on your relationship.

Have we acquired the tools we need to do married life well?

You may have concerns about certain aspects of your relationship, but that does you no good if you don’t work to overcome them.

Being an adult is often about enjoying the beauty and good moments God has given you, and standing firm amid trouble till you’re out on the other side of that season. Doing this requires a capacity for joy, and emotional resilience as well as character and hope to hang in there when it gets rough.

It helps to have skills such as conflict resolution, problem-solving, effective listening, and creative reasoning as you make your way through life. There isn’t an absolute standard for what it means to have sufficient skill to handle a marriage. Sometimes the proof is in the pudding.

However, you can gauge whether you’re ready for a committed relationship by asking yourself about your track record and recent relationship history. Take a look at your life and ask yourself what state your relationships are in. Have you shown yourself as having these skills? Additionally, how do you handle your relationships in general? Can you manage conflict well? Do you harbor anger and lash out at people?

No doubt, these issues can be addressed in marriage, and you won’t be perfect before (or after) you get married, but you must put in the work before you get married and not simply kick the can down the road.

Marriage is a beautiful gift. It is also a challenging gift. In Christ, there is freedom to marry or not to marry; what matters is whether you use whatever situation you’re in to bring honor and glory to God as you pursue His mission (1 Corinthians 7).

Should you choose to get married, asking yourself these questions above, and asking the Lord to guide you into His purposes and plans will aid you in making a wise choice. Speak with wise and godly people in your life who know you or consult with a professional counselor you can bounce ideas off of.

Marriage is a life-changing event, and you owe it to yourself to enter it prepared and alive to its possibilities.