Holding onto Hope for Your Prodigal Child

If you have a prodigal child, then your heart is probably aching. It’s so difficult to let someone choose a way that is harmful and possibly life-threatening. A caring Christian counselor can help you navigate the difficult road ahead.

What does “prodigal” mean?

If you look up the word “prodigal” in the dictionary, it refers to a person who recklessly spends money, on an extravagant scale. However, the cultural meaning is broader than that. It can include someone who has run away from home to engage in a wild, risky lifestyle. The person may be addicted to illegal drugs, wrapped up in the world of prostitution, or living on the streets.

If you have a prodigal child or another prodigal family member, you may be consumed with fear and concern.

The story of the “Prodigal son.”

In Luke 15, we read Jesus’ parable about a prodigal son. The younger brother of two sons went to his father and asked for his portion of the family estate. In ancient Jewish culture, this would have been the ultimate insult. It was essentially telling the father, “I wish you were dead so I can have your money.”

The father decided to go ahead and give the son his portion. The Bible tells us that the son went to a foreign land where he spent all his money on reckless, wild, riotous, and loose living. He squandered the money on things that don’t last, with people who didn’t really care about him.

Soon after his money ran out, a severe famine fell upon the land. He asked a citizen of that land if he could work for him. The man gave the son a job feeding his pigs. Again, in Jewish culture, this would have been the lowest of the low positions to have.

Pigs were unclean animals according to the laws of Moses. A Jewish son would have never accepted such a dirty job. But since he was desperate, even the pods that he was feeding the pigs looked good to him.

There, in the pigsty, the son came to his senses. He realized that even the servants in his father’s house had plenty to eat. He reasoned that his father would never accept him back as a son, but he hoped that his father might at least consider making him one of his slaves. So, he made the long journey home, preparing his speech along the way.

Before he had arrived, his father was watching the horizon for a sign of his son. When he spotted his son in the distance, he viewed him with compassion. He laid aside his dignity, running to his son to hug and kiss him.

He instructed his servants to prepare a party to honor the son’s return. But when the son’s older brother heard about this, he became angry and indignant. He told the father he had never gotten credit for being faithful, though the younger son had been rebellious. The father pleaded for the older son to understand that it was as if the younger son was dead, but now was alive; lost, but now found. A fact worth celebrating indeed.

We can learn much from this story, putting ourselves in different roles. Through the story of the prodigal son, we can gain insight and guidance. From the father’s example, we can learn about compassion and forgiveness. From the older son’s example, we can learn about the dangers of judging others.

Ways to deal with a prodigal child.

You may feel stuck and helpless if your prodigal child or family member is no longer in contact with you. But there is hope and help for you. A Christian counselor can walk you through the process of handling your emotions and coming up with a game plan if the prodigal returns. Here are some tips you can use to deal with your prodigal child.

Pray without ceasing.

Pray for your loved one’s protection and spiritual awakening. You can pray that your prodigal will hit rock bottom, just like the son in the Bible study. At rock bottom, there is nowhere else to go but up, and hopefully, back home. God may use your prayers to change your prodigal’s life.

Ask others to intercede for your prodigal.

Ask others to join you in prayer for your prodigal. Rally the support of your church, extended family, and trusted friends. There may be times when you feel weary of praying, and that’s when you need to rely on others who will intercede for your prodigal and for you.

Set boundaries.

Because a prodigal situation is so intense, you’ll need to set boundaries on how much time and energy you spend praying, thinking and talking about the problem. Your counselor will be a safe person to trust with your need to vent. Also, you can learn how to set healthy boundaries against your prodigal’s destructive and/or manipulative behaviors.

Keep a light on.

Some families with prodigals have decided to keep an exterior light on, every day and night, to signal that they are open to the prodigal’s return. Consider doing this yourself. A light on, both on your house and in your heart, keeps hope alive.

Grieve your losses.

When someone dies, you have closure after a funeral service. But with a prodigal, you don’t have closure because you don’t know whether your loved one is living or dead from day to day. You need to go through the grieving process for better mental and emotional health. You can grieve the life you wished for your prodigal, let it go, and accept a new reality.

Give your fears to God.

Loved ones of prodigals deal with many fears. You fear their health will worsen, they will get mixed up in the wrong crowd, or they will die alone. Fear can paralyze you, but God can handle your fears. Surrender them to God every day.

Practice self-care.

You need to care for yourself during this difficult time of waiting and praying. Prioritize rest, healthy eating, and exercise. Work on a hobby or pursue a new interest. You can build up your emotional reserves by treating yourself well.

Invest in your other family relationships.

Resist the temptation to focus only on your prodigal child at the expense of your other family members. Also, talk about things besides the prodigal with your family. Choose fun activities so you can create memories together. Don’t think of them as “not counting” since the prodigal isn’t there. Choose to love and celebrate one another, living each day one at a time.

Do not judge.

You may be dealing with anger and grief over your prodigal’s choices. But you need to guard your heart against criticizing and condemning them. When the older son did this in the Bible story, his heart became hard and bitter. By acknowledging that your prodigal is accountable first to God, you can let go of your need for explanations. Your counselor can help you learn to love the sinner, yet hate the sin.

Welcome back with love plus limits.

If your prodigal child decides to come back home, you’ll need to have a plan in place for welcoming him or her back. Without question, you need to be warm, loving and forgiving. But it’s vitally important that you have healthy boundaries in place before the return. Without boundaries, your prodigal could take advantage of you again and again. In counseling, you can learn exactly which boundaries will work best for your family’s situation.

Help for your prodigal child.

Prodigal families have complex problems. Many times, the family members need as much help recovering from dysfunctional patterns as the prodigal does. The counselors at our office are ready to help you start your healing journey. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.