6 Keys to Healthy Relationships

Have you ever looked at the relationships of those around you and were left feeling empty and jealous of what they had? The kind of friendship between two moms where one shows up when the other is overwhelmed and helps tend to her kids, washes her dishes, vacuums her crushed Cheerio-filled carpets, and gives her the ultimate pep talk to continue pressing forward?

Have you ever looked at the marriage of someone else and felt empty or like something was missing in your marriage because they still looked at one another with a spark in their eyes and were constantly giggling and seemed so happy?

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a best friend at work who could encourage you, eat lunch together, and talk about what you did over the weekend when you embrace the Monday morning blues?

Have you ever looked at the families around you and wondered how they found such a strong support system? Friends who showed up at one another’s birthday parties, kids’ soccer games, and dance recitals? Friends who cheered for your kids’ success like they were one of their own.

Everyone goes through phases of ups and downs in their relationships. People go through seasons of longing for something more, wondering what they are doing wrong, and wondering how they are missing the mark.

Maybe you have been burned in your past relationships and you are afraid to trust again. Maybe you have a difficult time opening up in relationships because of lingering scars from the past.

Maybe you feel that your life is too complex, too overwhelming, and you are fearful of opening those walls of communication because you fear judgment from the other person. You might feel like someone else may not understand what you have been through. You might wonder if they would condemn your past or judge the decisions you have made for you and your family.

Perhaps you struggle with social anxiety or you are unsure of how to take proactive steps at finding your support system – people you trust to be there through the difficult and rewarding phases of life. Someone you can also be there for.

Perhaps you are unaware of those who are ready and willing to step into the hurt places of your heart and rebuild the trust that was lost years ago by those whom you called a friend. Perhaps there is healing and forgiveness that needs to take place so you can continue moving forward and cultivating authentic relationships with the people in your life.

Relationships are hard and messy at times. This can be true for marriages, close or distant friendships, work relationships, and family relationships. Several roadblocks may be hindering you or holding you back from building strong relationships in your life:

Insecurity in Relationships

Sometimes when someone is struggling with insecurity in a relationship, they may be quick to become jealous or become consumed with thoughts of being abandoned. Insecurity in relationships can stem from abandonment issues, a falling out with a best friend, poor relationship role models, emotional bullying encounters, prior loss of trust due to gossip, or low self-esteem.

People desire to feel loved and needed in a relationship. Sometimes scars from the past can hinder one’s ability to give 100% in a relationship, making it important to work through scars to move forward with their emotional health and relationships.

Being Overbearing in Relationships

When people have been through emotional and physical trauma, it can be all too easy to become manipulative or overbearing in relationships. This can stem from years of being controlled or manipulated by someone and can be done without realization. This is one of the many reasons why communication is so important in any relationship. Being open about one another’s past can help build a strong foundation of trust and realization of the other person’s baggage.

Simple and Overlooked Elements in Healthy Relationships

1. Put in the time.

In a world that says “go, go, go” it can be easy to forget the importance of putting time into building healthy relationships. It is important to carve out that “girl’s night” with your best friends or a date night with your spouse.

Sometimes you need to step away from the distractions of life and spend quality time getting to know someone. Much like a plant that needs water to grow and thrive, relationships need the same attention to blossom.

2. Listen to the other person.

We tend to overlook the importance of listening to someone. Listening is more than hearing the direct words that someone is saying. Listening is absorbing a person’s feelings and state of mind with your eyes and ears.

It is noticing their body language. It is seeing what is on their heart or bothering them even when they do not directly say it aloud. It is taking in their words without planning your response while they are talking.

Taking the time to ask someone how they are doing and meaning it can be the first step to building healthy relationships. Ask specific questions if they are holding back in the conversation if the timing is right.

3. Be honest.

Communicating your true feelings might not always be easy, but it can challenge and grow you individually, spiritually, and relationally. Sometimes you must ask difficult questions. Sometimes you must admit when something is bothering you or share your struggles.

Sometimes you need to be able to specifically ask for prayers for something that is weighing you down. It is important to establish relationships where you can admit your struggles with anxiety, depression, or dealing poorly with the passing of a loved one. It is imperative to have a support system you can call when you are feeling stuck, alone, defeated, and depleted.

4. Be open-minded and try to see things from their perspective.

Steven Wright said, “Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.” It is important in any relationship to take time and try to see things from the other person’s perspective. It is important to learn where they have come from, to appreciate the journey they have walked, and to glean wisdom from their life experiences and opinions.

These are the things that help grow us as individuals, challenge our thinking, and learn compassion for humanity. We can respect the opinion of someone else without having to share the same beliefs and opinions.

5. Pray for your relationships.

Regardless of what state your relationships may be in – whether it be a spouse, best friend, family member, or acquaintance – praying for someone allows us the opportunity to be humbled before God and asking how He can use us in the lives of those around us. A.W. Pink said, “The measure of our love for others can largely be determined by the frequency and earnestness of our prayers for them.”

Christian Counseling for Healthy Relationships

Relationship counseling is available if you are looking to sift through any rifts or delve deeper into relationship issues that you are currently dealing with or that is haunting you from the past. Making relationships a priority changes your spiritual and emotional journey.

It is important to remember that every relationship goes through challenges, whether you have been best friends for 25 years or 2 months. Every marriage faces challenges, whether you have been married for 40 years or 4 years.

Relationships should not be measured in years or by the level of excursions you have enjoyed together. Healthy relationships should be focused on honesty, compassion, being your true self, and being able to hear and appreciate one another’s beliefs and opinions. Relationships can be used to challenge and grow you individually, relationally, and spiritually.

Now is the perfect time to connect with a Christian counselor who can aid you in your healing journey and begin building healthy relationships that will withstand the storms of life.